A lot has happened since I last posted! I was out of town last weekend, so I didn't get back to the UU church until Sunday. It was the first "ordinary" service I've attended there (no special occasion, no guest speaker), and afterward I felt certain enough that this is something I want to keep doing that I was ready to tell my mom about it, which I did yesterday. It was harder than I expected for me to find the right words, and it led to a long conversation about other things that I wasn't planning on and am still feeling pretty weird about, but she was supportive about it and I'm glad I told her. I didn't realize how much guilt and regret I have been carrying for never being able to feel at home in my parents' church, like I had betrayed them and everything they stood for. I know she doesn't feel that way, so it's up to me to work on learning not to feel that way either. It will take time, but I will get there.
Today I sent her am email with links and lyrics to some of the UU hymns and songs I've heard so far. While looking them up, I found one I hadn't seen before. It is set to the Irish folk tune Slane, best known as the melody to the Irish and English hymn "Be Thou My Vision." This song has always moved me deeply while also giving me the all-too-familiar feeling of exclusion and alienation, because while I think it is beautiful, I'm unable to connect to the words expressing a single focus on God as the speaker's only love, purpose, refuge, and source of meaning. This version, with lyrics by Thomas Mikelson, resonates all the way down to my core. If I didn't know I was a Unitarian Universalist before, this song would erase any remaining doubt.
Wake, now, my senses, and hear the earth call;
Feel the deep power of being in all;
Keep, with the web of creation your vow,
Giving, receiving as love shows us how.
Wake, now my reason, reach out to the new;
Join with each pilgrim who quests for the true;
Honor the beauty and wisdom of time;
Suffer thy limit, and praise the sublime.
Wake, now, compassion, give heed to the cry;
Voices of suffering fill the wide sky;
Take as your neighbor both stranger and friend,
Praying and striving their hardship to end.
Wake, now, my conscience, with justice thy guide;
Join with all people whose rights are denied;
Take not for granted a privileged place;
God’s love embraces the whole human race.
Wake, now, my vision of ministry clear;
Brighten my pathway with radiance here;
Mingle my calling with all who will share;
Work toward a planet transformed by our care.
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